Midnight Closet Case

I feel weird...
I don't know why

So as you may know my faux-emo boy sent me a message
And we've been talking... but not the way I'd like
I mean I'm hardly ever on MySpace anymore and things just get in the way...
So I became pathetic today and browsed his profile.
Looked through some comments.
And I felt weird.
I don't know what it is exactly.

I think I envy him...

I mean don't get me wrong...
He's great and all...
But sometimes I feel like he's living what I have dreamt of for sometime.

He's open.
I'm anything but.
He's spontaneous.
I plan 2 weeks in advance.
He can just move on.
God knows I dwell for ages...

I don't know...



I tell myself I'm tired of hiding.
Tired of pretending.
Tired of lying.

I tell myself I'll man up and just say it already.
I'll just let go.
I'll just let people assume things...

But the minute someone says "You're [not] gay?"
I collapse.
I break into a million little pieces.
Put on my brave face and just smile.
I never answer the question.
I don't even talk about it later...
I just fall apart
And no one is there to pick up the pieces....

I want to be open.
I want to network
I want to let everything just happen the way it was meant to happen...
I want to stop being that closeted little bitch I see everytime I look in the mirror...

I don't know.


I mean... it seems like another year has come and gone.
I'm not getting any youngerI know I'll never get the chance again...
But here I am.

Still waiting for something to change
Still waiting for things to come my way.
Still waiting for me to change.....


I've told myself I'd change
But I'm afraid.
That's what it all boils down to.

I'm too afraid to let go
Too afraid of what people will say.
Too afraid I'll be wrong
Too afraid I won't mean it
Too afraid I'll regret it
Too afraid someone will find out
Too afraid I'll be treated differently
Too afraid I'll lose my sense of self...
Too afraid I'll some how lose me....

Great and now Ethan has a boyfriend...
Why doesn't God just shoot me down already?
I'm pretty sure the Botox isn't going to hold back the flood gates anymore...







I'm done.

Christmas Time...

Hmm...
So....
Today was really good yet really bad...

My morning was completely unremarkable
Blah blah blah

Lets get to the exciting parts.

Mr. Stripes gave me my thing.
It wasn't what I expected.
I was a little disappointed...
But that because I was stupid enough to believe he'd say he loves me...
But whatever.

So...My rapist said something like:
"Look Alex! Its your boyfriend"
[which is what Wifey #2 and I heard]
or
"Look! Its Alex's boyfriend"
[which is what Wifey #1 heard]

But I don't know...

I still really feel like talking to Mr. Stripes....=/

I don't know...

For a while I thought I was going to feel bad because someone said something mean on Express
But I think I'm over that...

I don't know...
I want Mr. Stripes.
That's all I know...

On another note,
My llama was super cute
As were my cookies.
And my penis looking squishy banana.

That's all for now...
Yours Truly
♥

Fight Club?

Hmmm…
So… really randomly- there’s a fight club at our school.
And the only reason I know this is because people were talking about it.
Now correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t the first rule of the fight club “Don’t talk about the Fight Club”?
I don’t know… So yeah…
Freshman and sophomores have a little fight club that they film?
And like 8 of them were caught… from what I hear its not really a fight club- more of a boxing club thing.
Which is just as stupid… or at least I think so.

My little boy with the cute butt was somehow in on it all and is now in trouble for it or something.
I don’t really know.

Mr. Stripes is weird.
He looks but he doesn’t and I’m like ‘PAY ATTENTION TO ME!’ but with my luck I never get what I want.

My Ichigo cut his hair and is now… weird…

My Rapist is as annoying as ever.
He’s using the stupid Tramp to get to me…
Its truly pathetic.
I hate her for talking to him.
I can’t believe her…

My Rapist’s cunt friend is still ugly and stupid- just like him.

Mr. M is still all over that ugly little boy… I mean girl….
And apparently its like against God’s law for him to bend over…
Damn Wifey #2 and her people… filling his head with such propaganda …

Hmm….

Seemed like there was much more for me to say…
I just can’t remember it all right now…

And MySpace sucks…
Its being one huge ugly cunt…
Its not working.
And its pissing me off….

Ugh…


Screw this…
I’m going to bed.

Lots of Catching Up.

So...
I guess its about time to catch up seeing that so much has happened.
Nothing remarkable albeit.
Yet in the greater deeper understanding of things, all these things are remarkable.
-Or at least that's what I hear...

This will certainly be a lengthy post.
Dedicated to my wifeys...
All of them.


So...
Where to begin?

Well... of course I have to start with the boys.
My boys.

Mr. Stripes.
So...
Sometime in the past week we had a sub for my favorite class and Cristina and I decided to skip out on our sub's [Mr. Health-Freak] ranting and raving.
So... we went by my locker and we were in the middle of a hug when I started pouring my little Slunt heart out by saying things like
"Make Mr. Stripes love me. Make him pay attention to me. Make him love me!"
And seeing that the halls were empty I figured why not say it freely.
And I did just that.
We turned to go toward Wifey #2, crossing the interestection of the main hall and 200 wing , and Mr. Stripes was there.
Apparently he must have heard us because Wifey #1 says that he looked over at us oddly.
But I wasn't paying much attention... I just saw him and wanted to bury my little Slunt tush under a big rock.
He's weird.
I asked our resident Gossip Girl to ask him if he was still interested...
You know before I did something completely stupid like actually give him the note.
And even before she told me I knew the answer. I just needed someone to tell me that was that.
Our Gossip Girl told me he wasn't interested, and decided to take it a step further by telling me I needed to "Get over it"?!?
I'm sorry.
But all of you know, as well as I, that this Slunt does not let things go just like that.
And then he has the... nerve to look at me during lunch!
Seriously?!?
But of course my Rapist was no where in sight... I guess he just took advantage of the opportunity.
I just don't understand him.
At all.
It annoys me.
I'm sorry.
But as far as I'm concerned:
"No lookie unless there's nookie"

Next Boy: My little Ichigo.
[Don't ask me how we came up with his name.]
We all know this Slunt loves to help his fellow man etc etc.
So I signed up for the blood drive thingy.
I was called out during my other favorite class and was accompanied to the donation thingy by him and that other girl.
When I learned I wouldn't be able to donate blood my little Slunt heart broke into a million billion pieces.
As I was walking out the the donation bus thing, my little Ichigo was there!

Ichigo: "Aren't you going to donate blood?"
Slunt: "Nope" (pouts)
Ichigo: "Aww... why not?"
Slunt: "Its not time yet..."
Ichigo: "Aww... I'm sorry..."

At this very moment yours truly realized he was speaking to a boy.
A real boy.
A boy that's on the list.
AND I'm not being a total bitch about it!
It was disappointing that this conversation ended so quickly.
But one good thing come of it... [at least I think]
I talked to him!
When I returned to my favorite class, Wifey #1 asked me about my reasons for not donating blood. I, too enthralled by my Ichigo, brushed that whole issue off and poured my little Slunt heart out. And that's when things took a sharp turn.
While telling her about my Ichigo she mentioned him looing at me last year.
I was in such a state of shock, I don't remember a thing.
[I've always wanted to say that... except I always hoped I could follow it up with "It wasn't until I was washing the blood off my hands that I even realized they were dead..." Of course that's a line from Chicago♥]
But getting back to my story.
I was completely taken aback by this revelation.
My Ichigo looking at me?!?
And I wasn't told about it?!?
The nerve on these people!
But they all assumed I was fully aware of it...


Next boy: Boy with cute butt.
Hmm...
Where to begin with him?
Well...
Wifey #1 told me he's been giving her this incredibly horrible looks-
Looks that scream "Get the fuck off him!"
And I'm flattered.
He knows, or at least I think he knows.
He looks at me and I at him and I wonder if he knows...
I hope he knows... even if he isn't into boys
He totally stuck his ass out one morning.
And I nearly had a little Slunt stroke.


Next boy: Mr. M.
He's still as perfect as always.
Even in his skinny jeans that make his lower torso look odd and disproportionate.
So...
I was in the midst of a late night phone call with Wifey #1 when he was brought up and she painted a very very exciting picture of me and him up against a random gray wall... or up on stage.
I'll have to tell you about it some other time.

Next boy: Our Pharmacy Midget.
I totally smacked his ass one day randomly.
I had nothing better to do and I did it out of sheer impulse.
I thought it was hilarious to blame it on Wifey #2.
And I did just that.
The Pharmacy Midget eventually smacked my ass the next day...
And I'm just waiting for the opportunity to get him back...

Next boy: My faux emo boy.
He called about a week ago.
I was so... happy.
And I know I shouldn't say that because that technically isn't the right emotion...
But he called and we talked for a while.
I, again, poured my little Slunt heart out...
And then we sang.
It was the oddest thing.
But it was so... cute.
We sang.


Okay...
Now I'm done with the whole boys.
Well not really.
Apparently I'm not worthy of a cute Asian boy.
Even if he has a Jew nose
At least that's what Wifey #1 tells me.


I saw Luke
I'm in love
♥


Ugh...
It had been a while since I felt like gouging my little Slunt eyes out.
The boy who sits two seats over in Biology was wearing flannel!
FLANNEL?!?
What the hell?
Surely there is some lesbian out there that would be disgusted at the crimes against not only the
fashion community but humanity as well.
So...
From here on out, he will be known as Flannel Man
[Not that I plan on mentioning him ever again.]



I'm getting tired of my rapist being such a bitch.
I mean seriously!
What have I ever done to him?
Nothing.
Its getting really really annoying.
And it doesn't help that Laura and Mrs. Mikey Way are now his BFFs are choosing him over me.
["Sweetest little boy ever" my fat Slunt ass!]

So really randomly.
Wifey #1 and I were on the phone about a week ago and we were discussing the boys who have
found out by mere chance.
We came up with a rather interesting list....
And each boy on that list had an interesting story as to how they found out.

One of the boys on the list was Mark.
Well... he wasn't really on the list but he was brought up.
Apparently he giggles everytime we do really random and stupid things.
Most notably boob grabbing.
And it doesn't stop there. No. In Biology he also appears to eavesdrop and giggle when Wifey #1
and my Dirty Little Mistress [My bus buddy] talk about me.


So...
Apparently the biggest Closet Creeper thinks he's gay!
I was just as shocked.
But it was all straight from the lion's mouth.
My bus buddy was sitting right there while they were discussing it!
Apparently it was at a party. A boy was sitting on his lap. They almost kissed.
He now thinks he's gay. The name Rick was tossed around a few times.
Of course, we juiced up the story and spread it like the plague.

And finally...
The last boy I'll bring up in this post.
♥Jack♥ from Project Runway.
I love him!




I love Will and Grace
But... I need a Jack.
I have plenty of Karens, a few Graces but no Jack...
=/




Mrs. Prude's called me a Queen like fifty million times.
Its hiliarious....



Apparently there is something wrong with me.
I don't like to say a certain word...
And someone thought it would be hilarious to sing:
"I like" word ".
Yes, I do!
I like " word ".
How about you?"
I can't ever look Mr. Chemistry in the eye after that.




OMG!
Wifey #2 has a FUCK ME! bra.
Its really pretty and kind of funny at the same time.
I don't know why its funny though...



My fashion-challenged Biology classmate appears to be slower than most.
She has to be one of the few people who don't [didn't now...] assume I was... you know.
It was like... OMG...
I laughed.


I learned there is an alleged designated gay couple make out area.
No one wants to take me...



And now for the moment you've all been waiting for.
My rants on Wifey #1...
Although she refuses to admit it...
She has a problem.
A scanlations addiction.
We are now couple of the year.
Which is both disturbing and hilarious.
She doesn't like to be referred to as my Fag-hag.
Even though I love that term.
[And will probably use it on occassion just because it makes me smile]
We're going to stuff our faces with Cheesecake at IHOP sometime in February.
I'll give her a special kiss on her scar one of these days...
And she is Wifey #1.
Despite Wifey #1 was previously someone else...
Its confusing yes I know...
But well...
You can keep up...




I need to get me an extra penis.
Having two boys at once isn't possible unless I get a second one...







In the event that anyone cares,
I now have a FaceBook...
Wooo....



Such a long long post....

Yours Truly
♥