I'm... stupid

And that seems to be the understatement of the century
I don't know...

It could be worse?

Well...
I lost the paper...
At least I think I did.


But in the mean time-
Our resident Gossip Girl will find out if he's still interested.
And we'll go from there....


So...
Mr. Stripes must think we're immature 4th graders.
I ran around most of lunch slapping eachother's asses yelling "Vulva!" "Vagina!" and "Cervix!"
While everyone else slapped my ass and said "Penis!"




My faux-emo boy is going to call later
And it makes me happy
♥

Don't ask why...



Yours Truly
♥

Blah

I'm fresh out of original titles.
God Forbid!



-sigh-

I watched Hedwig and the Angry Inch tonight
I liked it...
It was... interesting

I feel stupid...
Well not stupid.
Just childish.
I let my regressive tendencies get the best of me.
I wrote him a letter.
I'm not sure if I'll get our resident Gossip Girl to give it to him or not.
Mr. Stripes that is....




I realized I will never love myself.
Ever.
So there goes "You can't love anyone until you love yourself first..."
Hmm....

Hedwig and the Angry Inch brought up something I'd never thought of...
That song... "Origin of Love"
and finding your other half...
It was interesting...

-sigh-

I already seem to feel like shit...
I figured reading his LiveJournal would only remind me I'm truly stupid.
No.
Not stupid.
Pathetic.
Beyond pathetic.

I don't know why I'm making such a big deal about this.

"I guess what I'm looking for is someone: exciting, intellectual, sociable, AND funny which is kinda impossible and unrealisitic. lololol
so ofcourse, If you're a homo and you contain these qualities stop being such a pussy and show yourself =/ "


I know that's not me but is there any chance that he could ever love me?
Make him love me...
Please make him love me?
Make him really really love me...












Maybe Bridget is right...
Maybe I'm wrong.

Wow...

I totally lost all respect for her.


I don't know what else I can say...
She's told me I am going to hell.
She's told me it was wrong.
She's told me it was a sin.
She's made it seem like I've had a choice all along...

I'm really just not cool with her saying its because all these "bad influences"



I'm just tired of it.
I've lost all respect from her...

The Future Mr. Slunt

A while back Wifey #2 (Bitch), [Who will now and forever be known as Wifey #1 because the former Wifey #1 didn't live up to par] asked me who a certain someone was.


Well Blakey-poo sent me these picture and well...


Now Wifey #1 can see who the future Mr. Slunt(s) will be...











Yours Truly,
♥

Another Day. Another Drama...

Well...
Lets see...
Where to begin.......


Well... after Mr. Stripes thought my pathetic demeanor was "creepy"
I decided to take on a different approach.
I would ignore him.
And that worked for a while.
But now... he seems to be ignoring me.
And I don't like that.
-sigh-
I don't know.
I don't think I'm asking for too much.
I really don't.

I haven't taked to the faux-emo boy who I was supposed to go out with in a few weeks.
Its a little disheartening.

My rapist is still being weird.

Mr. Cute Boy... is impossible.
And I hate myself for that.
I'm blaming myself... but I don't know why.

So...
Wifey #1 sucks.
And swallows.
We were walking down the hall.
She said something mean.
I said "I hope you end up with a gay kid"
And she just said "No! I'd disown him... Its gross!"
I let that one slide...
But then today the issue came up again and I couldn't let this one go.
Not after I've felt like shit about it for a while.
Not after I've beat myself up over Mr. Cute Boy.
Not after I've felt like crap because Mr. Stripes is ignoring me.
No.
I wasn't about to let that one slide.
And I didn't.
So I just wasn't exactly pleased with her and I'm still not.

I'm sure English didn't help any when Mrs. Mikey Way told me to sit "like a real man" and not like "some little pussy who keeps his legs crossed".
That was completely crossing the line.
I didn't know how to respond so I just stared at that T.S. Elliot poem for a good 15 minutes.
Completely unaware of everything else.
Just staring at the poem...

I'm sure all of this made my lunch expierence even worse.
Ren-Fest.
Being dragged to it.
Afraid I'd see Mr. Cute Boy.

And that's exactly what happened.
I saw Mr. Cute Boy as soon as I got there.
I saw Luke.
I saw Mr. Stripes.
I saw my rapist.
And every other boy that was remotely decent looking reminded me of what Mrs. Mikey Way and Wifey #1 told me.
It made me feel disgusting.
It made me want to just fall over and die.
But I put on a brave face and tried to live with it while waiting in line with Wifey #2.

I eventually thought freaking Cameron out would help...
And it did... for a few seconds...
Then I saw Mr. Cute Boy and I was reminded of how horrible my day was going and how I would never and could never be with someone so perfect.
It reminded me I was unremarkable and boring.
Completely void of any substance.
And I hate myself for that....

Got back to school.
Went to Physics alone still feeling like a total waste of human existence.
Went to Biology, still feeling like a complete waste.

And now I'm here...
Still feeling like a complete waste.

Pathetic.
Unremarkable.
Closeted.
Scared.
Stupid.
Boring.
Fat.
Ugly.
Bitchy.
Cold.
Tired.
Raunchy.

I don't know...
I was reading Mr. Cute Boy's LiveJournal
(I said I was pathetic, sue me...)
And I was reminded of how unremarkable I am.

I don't know.
It feels like I've wasted my entire life.

Even looking ahead to a moring filled with the smell of the OR isn't helping.

I feel like crap.
No.
I feel beyond crappy.
Beyond pathetic.

I've hit a new low...

Woo.....

Catch-Up

Nothing truly remarkable has happened.
Yet at the same time everything that's happened is in some way, in and of itself, remarkable in its own special way.

Mr. Stripes still hasn't noticed me.
Not the way I want him to notice me.
Its truly disappointing.
Our resident Gossip Girl isn't offering much help in that area.

My Biology Buddy pointed out a seemingly obvious factiod.
I mean... like I noticed it...
I just thought I was taking things out of context and being delusional.
So he is paying special attention to me.
Its flattering yet at the same time rather odd...
I now have something to look forward to on B-days.

So...
As I sit here in the library, bored beyond belief I realize:
I'm a sheltered scared little bitch that can't ever do anything for himself.
I mean come on!

Luke was right there
And all I could do was blush and giggle like a little school girl.
He was all alone.
I could have just gone up to him and said "Hi"
But no.
Your resident Slunt is too much of a closted little bitch to do anything that spontaneous.


I disappoint myself so much...

Regressive Tendencies?

Bitch-Face is now the official Wifey #2
She's much nicer than Wifey #3 [Bitch]
Because Wifey #2 lets me ogle and drool all I want
and doesn't make me feel all weird about it...

So....
Today during lunch...
We ogled and stared and drooled...
And it was totally obvious because we moved out of the pit
And sat at the table nearest the microwaves...
And he does the same thing I do.
Ask his friend to look over at us to see if we're looking.

Our Resident Gossip Girl still wants me to write him a letter.
I think that's so 5th grade...
I wouldn't even know where to begin...
Or what to say...
I mean the only thing that comes to mind?

Dear Mr. Stripes,
I like you.
Do you like me?

Yes.
No.
Maybe.

Circle one.


-Slunt


How... like... 2nd grade...

I don't know.I need to find him alone so I can get in a cheap feel up......

I Don't Understand....

I don't understand why he was so defensive.
I don't understand why he was so dismissive.
I don't understand why he hung up.

"I'm over and done with this"


I don't know what else to say.

I don't know why I'm so upset over this.....


I'm pathetic.

Being Ignored = Exanimation

He's finally kind of looking at me.
Not really...
But its something....


During lunch I'm still not getting any glances.
I think I got my first official worthwhile glance today after school.
Talking to Bitch.
Wifey #1 came up and took me away.
She wanted to go to her locker but Mr. Stripes was so close I didn't want to leave.
We were walking by him and yeah...
She shoved me into him... but not really
I stopped myself just in time.
I looked at him and him at me.
I think I kind of smiled and blushed(?)
[I know! A Slunt can blush?!?]
And then we just walked on.
I turned around and saw him looking.
That made my day...
But now that I think about it...
I think I may have imagined half of that....
I mean I don't think that whole thing is one giant delusion but it almost feels that way.
I don't know.
I just want him to notice me. =/

I really don't think I'm asking for too much.
I mean... I just need him to believe our Resident Gossip Girl...
If only he paid attention, my life would be perfect....
-sigh-


Ugh...

I want Mr. Cute Boy to notice me.

I didn't know Slunts could be such hopeless romantics




I'm totally pathetic....

The Future Anna Wintour

I think its absolutely hilarious that my article caused such a controversy.
So far I've been called a "vicious", "rude", "inconsiderate" "gay" "bitch" who needs to have it "bashed in his face"
[I'm not sure what needs to "get bashed in" my face even means...]

I just don't understand people.
Its really stupid.
And over flip-flops of all things?

Makes me wish I didn't delete:
"What’s wrong with you people?
Did you fall and bump your head on the sidewalk?
Or did your class and dignity just fly out the window?"

I guess you can't please them all...